"Since my best friend started hanging out with Jamie and his friends, she never has time for me. When we finally got together last weekend, she told me she smokes pot with Jamie and other kids from school. She says she has it under control, but I'm really worried. I don't want to be too critical of her or she'll quit talking to me. What can I do?"

What do you, as a parent, do when your teen comes to you with this story? It’s more common than you might think. In 2003, 282,000 youths aged 12 to 17 used marijuana daily or almost daily.¹ One of the results of this widespread marijuana use is that many teens have friends who are making some unhealthy choices. What should a parent say?

First, reassure your teen that she did the right thing by confiding in you. It’s hard for your teen to keep all of these questions and feelings inside. It’s important that she talks about them with you or with a school counselor, teacher, or other trusted adult. If your teen and her friend were very close, you may want to look into support groups—like 12-step programs—that exist for people who are trying to cope with a friend or family member who uses drugs. You might offer to go with your teen to one of these support meetings, at least for the first time.

Help your teen sort out the truth of the situation. The following warning signs² from the Harvard School of Public Health can help you and your teen figure out if his friend has a problem with marijuana:

• Talks about using drugs and getting high
• Avoids you in order to get high
• Gives up activities he used to enjoy that didn't involve drug use
• Pressures others to use drugs
• Takes risks, including sexual risks or driving, while high
• Gets in trouble with the law

It is important to help your teen continue to be a supportive friend while not condoning or excusing her friend’s behavior. Get the facts on the real effects and dangers of marijuana and other substance use for your teen. If your teen decides to talk with her friend about her friend’s behavior, help your teen practice what to say. In the end, the friend must decide to seek help, but your teen’s concern might help the friend take that first step.

If you know that your child’s friend is using marijuana, talk with her parent or guardian. Take care not to accuse the child of being a drug addict, but do express your concern. Speak in a caring and understanding tone of voice, but be prepared for denial and anger. You also should come prepared with information about how to find help in your community. The following are common referral sources that often are listed in the phone book:

• Community drug hotlines
• Local emergency health clinics or community treatment services
• County, city, or local health departments
• Al-Anon/Alateen, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous
• Hospitals.

Encourage your teen not to give up hope even though his friend might be reluctant to seek help. Remind him that we can only change or control ourselves. Tell your teen how grateful and proud you are that he is making healthy life choices.

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