"You're so unfair!" "Everyone else's mom said it's okay." "I can't believe you're doing this to me." Sound familiar? If you're the mom of a teen, it probably does. But researchers at Penn State have some good news for you—you're more important than ever in the life of your teen.

When it comes to talking about serious subjects like alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs, an overwhelming 70 percent of teens are more at ease when talking with their moms.¹ In contrast, 12 percent of the teens in the survey favored talking with their fathers, 7.4 percent preferred talking with their grandparents, another 7.4 favored talking with siblings, and 3 percent preferred talking with other extended family members. Through the responses of 67 African American and White teenagers ages 11 to 17 who took part in the study, researchers also learned that neither gender nor race played a role in these teens' tendency to confide in their mothers.

In addition, the study noted that young people are more impressed by drug talks that are part of normal family routines than by one long, preplanned drug talk. You can make use of this important finding by talking about alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs during your normal family routine. For example, cooking together can lead to discussing the importance of good health.

Use the media—TV, music, and ads—to start talks with your teen. When you notice that your teen is watching TV shows that you find inappropriate, don't flip the channel right away. Instead, talk to your child. If someone on the TV show used or mentioned a drug, inquire about it. You might ask, "Do you know what ecstasy is?" or "Do you know how ecstasy affects people who use it?" Even if your teen already knows the facts, talking with you about drugs can make him less likely to use drugs.

Another chance to talk about drugs comes when you're in a car with your teen. Let her choose the radio station—even if you hate the music. Use it to open a conversation: "What do you like so much about this music?" or "What do you think those lyrics mean?" or "What's the singer like in real life?" Finding out what your teen really likes about music will help open the door to discussions about many hot topics, including alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs.

Ads also present a way to talk to your teen about making healthy choices. When you pass a billboard advertising cigarettes or see the latest beer commercial during sports programs, talk about it with your teen. What is the ad selling? Does your teen believe it? What are the consequences of doing what the ad tells you? Talk about what the ad may not be telling its audience.

Teens are flooded with tough issues, but the research at Penn State shows that they turn to mom more than anyone else. So, hang in there, mom, and remember how important you are to your teen—even if he doesn't always show it.

Sources

¹ Penn State University. "Teens Prefer Talking to Mom About Drug Use Topics," last referenced April 29, 2004.