Many adults know that middle school is a time of change but they may not understand the full extent of the many challenges kids face. Many middle school kids experience confusion between the desire to be accepted, which is strongest in middle school, at the same time that:

During this transition from childhood to adolescence, middle schoolers begin to place more importance on making friends and being part of a group. They also start to check out how other kids act, look, sound, and dress. Some kids may seem to be searching for a reason to tease or torment another student.

Alone or as part of a group, youth can take part in bullying. In a growing number of incidences, the term "bully" includes the children who watch the bullying occur-even if they don't actively participate. Witnessing bullying behavior can be defined as condoning it.

According to a KidsHealth KidsPoll of more than 1,200 boys and girls aged 9 to 13, for every 100 kids, an average of:

  • Eight are bullied every day.
  • Seven are bullied every week, but not every day.
  • Some 33 are bullied once in a while, but not every week.

How Do Kids Bully?

Direct bullying is any form of physical abuse or violence that harms or frightens other kids. Bullying can occur indirectly when one or more kids use threats or intimidation to affect someone else negatively. In addition to physical bullying, emotional harassment happens when one or more kids try to hurt someone's feelings, pick on her, laugh at her, show dislike, exclude her, or try to prove that she isn't as good as the others.

Modern communication technology has given rise to cyberbullying. This type of bullying can happen any time without the need for face-to-face interaction. According to KidsHealth, bullies can use electronic communications to spread hurtful messages, images, and videos. Insults and lies can be spread through e-mail, instant messaging, online chat rooms, and social networking sites. Bullies also can use gadgets like cell phone cameras, text messaging, and pagers to harass victims at any time of day or night.4

Bullying is often a warning sign that children and teens are heading for trouble and are at risk for serious violence.5

Where Do Kids Bully?

Most bullying (40 to 75 percent) happens in school-in the hallways, bathrooms, cafeterias, playgrounds, and classrooms.6 Middle school students often switch classrooms, which provides more opportunities for bullies to pick on kids in the hallway. Bullying also can happen on the way to or from school, including on the bus.

Bullying not only harms the child being bullied, but also harms the child who bullies and the kids who watch.

Why Do Some Kids Act Like a Bully?

Children act like bullies for many reasons. Some bully because that's how people act in their family. Some kids bully because they want attention. Other children who are insecure may give others a hard time because they like the feeling of power and control. Some simply feel that they are better than other kids. Kids who are being bullied may want to pick on someone else.

Children who bully often are impulsive, easily frustrated, have difficulty following rules, and lack empathy or being able to understand how others feel. Boys who bully often are physically stronger than other children. Participating in bullying is not just "a regular part of growing up"-it's serious. When a child begins bullying at a young age, he is demonstrating unacceptable behavior that can continue for a lifetime.7

Do Girls Bully?

Yes, girls participate in bullying, too; but often bully differently than boys. Girls are more likely to use indirect methods of bullying-like a roll of the eyes, a mocking tone of voice, and sarcasm. Gossiping and spreading harmful rumors is a form of bullying and can damage someone's reputation. Even though social pressure isn't physical, like tripping or taking someone's lunch money, it can still be very painful.

Social exclusion is another form of emotional bullying. Social exclusion can include ignoring a certain kid, never sitting near her at lunch, or leaving her out of party invitations. This form of bullying becomes even more hurtful when the bully encourages others to participate in the exclusion.

What Are the Signs of Being Bullied?

The best way to know what's going on in your child's life-at school, after school, during practice, or while hanging out with friends-is to be involved. Create a daily routine in which you and your child chat casually about his day. Take the time to listen, ask questions, and respond.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s (SAMHSA) report Take Action Against Bullying, there are many warning signs that may show a child is being bullied. Signs to watch for include a child:

What If My Child Is Being Bullied?

Bullying is serious-treat it that way.

Support your child. If your child reports feeling bullied, don't laugh, shrug it off, or explain that it's "just the age." Be prepared to speak to teachers, coaches, and other adults in charge because they may not have noticed the behavior. A parent may ask for a meeting to discuss what is happening. Parents also can develop relationships with parents of other children in the same neighborhood or school. When several parents know about the bullying, or have children who are affected, they may be in a better position to deal with school staff members.

Bully-Free at Home

Every child needs to learn the importance of treating others with respect.

Middle school often is seen as the growing-up years between elementary school and high school, when kids are starting to mature but still can tease their friends and be bossy or rowdy. Be watchful so these actions do not escalate into meaner behavior.

If a child's behavior seems like bullying to you, it probably is. Do not ignore this behavior or hope the child will change. Bullying is not something that is likely to disappear. How can you stop a child's bullying behavior? Let your children know what's okay and what's not.

Make sure your child understands that it's not right to take advantage of or hurt someone just because he feels he can.

Even with the increasing importance of friends in a young person's life, peers do not replace parents.8 Parents and caregivers can talk to youngsters and teach them not to take part in bullying-and that watching is condoning bullying behavior. Discuss different ways that your child can be of help or get help. Bullying hurts everybody!

Conversation Starters

  • Whom do you sit with at lunchtime?
  • How do you feel when you hear kids putting each other down?
  • Have you ever gotten a mean e-mail or an insult on IM?
  • Do you ever see someone picking on another kid? How? What happens?
  • Whom could you get to help a kid who is being bullied? How? What happens to a student who helps or gets help for someone being bullied?
  • When you get angry with someone, what do you do? If someone gets mad at you, how does that person act?

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